Winners Triangle and Drama Triangle: the Basics
In every organization, collaboration, or relationship, there are times when people don’t understand each other. Various factors can lead to miscommunication or even conflict. Different interests, emotions, and expectations can influence this. These recurring factors often come up in the workplace, in teams, but also in relationships. As a result, you often see conflicts or miscommunication arise. In most cases, those involved often react automatically and in the same way they did before. Without thinking, we exhibit the same behavior that makes these situations even more complicated. Tension rises and miscommunication can lead to conflict by falling into the same behavior.
The drama triangle developed by Stephen Karpman describes and shows how people end up in negative roles, such as prosecutor, rescuer, and victim. When you read about these roles, you may get the idea that they are logical or even helpful, but these roles actually perpetuate the conflict.
To break this pattern, you can use the Winners Triangle, developed by Acey Choy. This model helps you take responsibility for your own behavior, set boundaries, and truly support each other. This Winners Triangle model therefore offers a more positive and equal way of communicating.
This article explains what the Winners Triangle is, where it comes from, and how you can use it in practice. It also gives an example of a situation in which a team ended up in the drama triangle and how things could have turned out differently if the team had paused and thought about the winner’s triangle.
What exactly is the Winners Triangle and where does it come from?
To fully understand the Winners Triangle, it is useful to first take a brief look at the drama triangle.
Stephen Karpman’s drama triangle
This model was developed in 1968 by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. It shows how people under pressure can end up in three roles: victim, rescuer, or persecutor. Below you will find the model with a brief explanation of the different roles.
Figure 1 – The Drama Triangle (Karpman, 1968)
Download the Drama Triangle (high resolution)
This high resolution image is exclusively for our paying Toolshero members. Click here to see if a membership is something for you!Victim
Feels powerless and only sees what is not working. “Why does this always happen to me?”
Rescuer
Takes responsibility and thinks they have made the right choice to solve the problem for the other person. “Let me take care of it.”
Accuser
Often takes a critical and reproachful stance. “This is all your fault.”
These roles can change within seconds in a single conversation. For example, someone who starts out as a rescuer may feel wronged after a while and slip into the role of victim. And a victim may start to defend themselves by making accusations, turning that person into the accuser. That’s what makes the drama triangle so recognizable: it happens everywhere and often without us even realizing it.
Think about whether you have ever had a situation within a project or collaboration where this occurred. You miss a deadline once, receive criticism, and before you know it, you start to retaliate: “But you never meet your deadlines either, do you?” Responding in this way shifts the roles, escalates emotions, and can lead to conflict.
If you recognize this situation, chances are you have ended up in the drama triangle. By being more conscious of how you respond to this, conflict could have been avoided. By thinking about this, you can have a constructive conversation. This insight inspired Acey Choy to develop the Winners Triangle: a way to avoid negative interaction patterns and move toward a positive solution together.
Acey Choy’s Winners Triangle
In the early 1990s, Acey Choy came up with a positive alternative to this: the Winners Triangle. The Winners Triangle focuses on equality and growth, rather than the Drama Triangle, which revolves around blame and dependency. The Winners Triangle consists of three helpful attitudes: vulnerability, assertiveness, and caring. Below is a brief explanation of the three roles in this model.
Figure 2 – From drama triangle to winners triangle
Download Drama Triangle to Winners Triangle (high resolution)
This high resolution image is exclusively for our paying Toolshero members. Click here to see if a membership is something for you!Vulnerability
This is about daring to say what you really feel and what you need, without putting yourself down or belittling yourself.
Assertiveness
This is about standing up for yourself in a respectful way.
Caring
This means supporting others without taking over their problems or controlling them.
Simply put, the basic idea of the Winners Triangle is about interacting with each other in a healthy way. You remain honest about your feelings and your boundaries. You also stand up for yourself in a respectful way without attacking the other person, and you help each other without taking over their problems. This allows everyone to remain responsible for their own choices and creates cooperation instead of conflict.
From the drama triangle to the winner’s triangle: the difference
But what exactly is the difference? In the drama triangle, you see that people quickly fall into a pattern in which they don’t really get anywhere. The victim feels powerless, the rescuer takes over everything instead of really helping, and the persecutor just points an accusing finger. In the winner’s triangle, the roles are similar to the other model, but they are filled in a positive way.
The victim changes into someone who can and dares to be vulnerable and clearly indicates what they need. The rescuer now becomes someone who really helps the other person, not by taking over the work entirely, but by giving the other person space and helping them to take steps themselves. Finally, the persecutor grows in assertiveness, for example by setting boundaries without attacking the other person.
Negative behavior thus shifts to positive behavior. Instead of reproachful and dependent behavior, the focus is now on genuine cooperation and openness. This makes conversations more positive, pleasant, and effective.
How do you apply the Winners Triangle in practice?
Understanding and recognizing the Winners Triangle is fairly simple, but consciously applying it is where it gets a little more difficult and where the real difference is made. In everyday life, we usually react automatically, especially when we are under pressure. At these moments, it helps to pause for a moment and ask yourself, what exactly am I doing? And is my behavior currently contributing positively to the conversation?
When you find yourself wanting to solve a problem by taking over someone else’s work, or when you feel the urge to blame someone else for what is going wrong, consciously take a moment before you respond. Reflect on your own reaction and choose a more positive attitude. Instead of taking over or pointing the finger at the other person, you can simply ask: “What do you need from me to do this well?” This way, you remain jointly responsible and keep the conversation open and constructive.
By consciously reflecting on your own behavior, you create more space for yourself and others to engage in more positive cooperation. The other person feels heard and seen, and you remain true to yourself. By reflecting on your own behavior, you can often turn a difficult situation into a more positive outcome. When you are in the winner’s triangle, everyone remains responsible for their own part, but you achieve a better result.
Practical example: collaborating under pressure
I have also seen in practice that collaborations quickly end up in a drama triangle instead of the Winners Triangle. This happens when people do not reflect on their own behavior and take the time to calmly think about a good response.
Imagine: a student team of three people is working on a project with a tight deadline. Person A sees on the day of the deadline that an important part is not yet finished and immediately expresses their frustration: “Why isn’t this finished yet? We agreed that it should have been finished long ago!”Person B immediately feels attacked and responds defensively, “It’s not just me, you also handed in your tasks late.” Person C wants to resolve the conflict and responds with “I can do it today, I still have enough time.” At this point, the group is in the drama triangle and you can see the three roles described here. Person A has the role of accuser, person B feels like the victim, and person C ends up in the role of rescuer. At this point, the tension is increasing and a conflict is threatening to arise.
The example above shows a negative way of working together. If the individuals had paused for a moment before responding, the conflict could possibly have been avoided and the collaboration could have gone more smoothly. If the team had opted for the Winners Triangle, the conversation could have gone something like this: Person A calmly expresses how he feels about the situation and says, “I don’t like seeing that your part isn’t finished yet, given that the deadline is today. What would you need to be able to finish this part on time?”
Person B honestly admits that he doesn’t know where to start and that he has also been very busy. He suggests making a new schedule that day. Person C responds with, “I can help you with an approach on how to start performing the task” (but lets Person B carry it out themselves). The three roles from the winner’s triangle come to the fore here.
- Person A takes an assertive role here.
- Person B shows vulnerability.
- Person C shows concern without taking over the task.
Here you can see that the team is in the Winners Triangle and supports each other in a positive way. Everyone remains responsible for their own tasks, is honest about how they feel, and offers help without taking over the task. The conversation is respectful and the atmosphere is much more positive. Compared to the first example, the second example is much more likely to result in a successful project without frustration.
What are the benefits of the Winners Triangle?
By consciously choosing to take on a role from the Winners Triangle, you not only change the way you communicate, but also the result of the collaboration. By being vulnerable, assertive, and caring, conversations become more open and honest. This is because everyone is given the space to express their needs and feelings in a safe working environment.
By taking on a role from the Winners Triangle, people also feel seen and heard, which increases motivation and commitment. Furthermore, the model also has a positive influence on you as a person. It helps you to consciously look at yourself and actively reflect on the influence you have on others.
The winner’s triangle helps you become emotionally stronger because you learn to take responsibility for your behavior, choices, and feelings. Ultimately, the Winners Triangle results in better cooperation and a better self-image.
Tips for application in organizations
Within every organization, it sometimes happens that people in a collaboration end up in the drama triangle. In this case, it can be beneficial to introduce the winner’s triangle within the organization. This can be done using good examples from everyday practice.
Training and coaching can help employees recognize the different roles and apply them in the right way. But of course, it starts with the manager. When they create space for openness and receiving feedback, they set a positive tone within the organization. When organizations consistently pay attention to the winner’s triangle, for example through moments of reflection, the chance that the model will be applied naturally increases. This creates a sustainable and pleasant way of working together with positive effects on results, job satisfaction, and the well-being of employees.
Practical tips for application on a personal level
Applying the Winners Triangle starts with yourself. By consciously paying attention to your own behavior and attitude, you can communicate more effectively and reduce tensions. Here are some practical tips:
Reflect regularly on your own role
After a conversation or collaboration, take a moment to pause and ask yourself a few questions: “What role did I take on? Was this helpful or did it perpetuate the conflict?” By asking yourself these questions, you can recognize patterns and consciously change them in future collaborations or conversations. You can use the STARR method or the Korthagen reflection model for this.
Practice vulnerability
Dare to express your feelings and needs honestly, without belittling yourself. Start small, for example: “I find it difficult to complete this task because I’m not sure where to start. Can you help me with this?” This will teach you to communicate openly without becoming defensive.
Be assertive but respectful
Stand up for yourself in a respectful way without attacking the other person. Use “I” messages such as, “I need space to get this done on time” instead of blaming the other person. This helps set boundaries and can help prevent conflicts.
Show care without taking over
Help others by offering advice or support, but let them retain their own responsibility. For example: “I can help you think it through, but you carry it out.” This strengthens cooperation and respect for each other.
Create short moments of reflection
In stressful situations, we often react automatically. Take a short break and pause for a moment, take a breath, and ask yourself: “What do I want to achieve with my reaction? Does this contribute to a good conversation?” Even a few seconds of awareness can make a difference.
Keep a log or notes
Briefly write down when you recognize the drama triangle or consciously apply the Winners Triangle. This helps to reveal patterns and strengthens your personal growth in communication.
By regularly practicing these tips, it will become easier to automatically respond from the Winners Triangle in conversations and collaborations. This increases your self-confidence, improves relationships, and makes collaboration more enjoyable and effective.
Conclusion
By taking on a role from the winner’s triangle, it is possible to collaborate in a positive and constructive way. Especially in situations where there is tension. By consciously choosing vulnerability, assertiveness, and caring, communication changes from a battle to genuine collaboration. Everyone remains responsible for their own tasks, expresses how they feel, and offers help without immediately taking over someone else’s work. This not only creates a pleasant working atmosphere, but also contributes to the results, motivation, and commitment of all parties involved in the collaboration.
The Winners Triangle also helps on an individual level. You become more aware of your own behavior and take responsibility for your choices and emotions. This boosts your self-confidence and gives you a better sense of how much influence you have on your work. Whether it concerns projects or personal relationships, applying the winner’s triangle can really make a difference in how a collaboration proceeds.
Recommended reading on the Drama Triangle and Winners Triangle theory
- Armour, M., & Mellacina, D. (2020). The Drama Triangle revisited: Patterns of conflict and responsibility. Journal of Conflict Management, 8(2), 112–130. → Analyzes why people end up in the three roles and how organizations can break patterns.
- Bader, E., & Pearson, P. (2017). Escaping the Drama Triangle: A relational model for adult functioning. Journal of Couples Therapy, 26(3), 201–219. → Shows how couples and teams can step out of dramatic behavior and switch to equal interaction.
- Choy, A. (1990). The Winner’s Triangle. Transactional Analysis Journal, 20(1), 40–46. → Describes how to transform destructive drama patterns into mature, effective communication and behavior.
- Choy, A. (1990). The Winner’s Triangle. San Francisco, CA: Transactional Analysis Press. → The original work introducing the Winners Triangle. Shows how to transform the destructive roles of the Drama Triangle into more powerful alternatives such as Assertive, Caring, and Vulnerable.
- Jansen, C., Douma, A., Karreman, J., & Ravesteijn, J. (2025). Learning to communicate. Noordhoff. → A comprehensive and in-depth handbook that focuses on communication skills: how to communicate professionally and effectively, both verbally and in writing. This ties in well with assertiveness, listening skills, and clear communication.
- Karpman, S. B. (2018). Script Drama Analysis: The Complete Text. San Francisco, CA: The Drama Triangle Institute. → Explains how the Drama Triangle fits within Transactional Analysis and how scripts and patterns perpetuate these roles.
- Karpman, S. B. (2014). A Game Free Life: The Definitive Book on the Drama Triangle and Compassion Triangle. San Francisco, CA: The Drama Triangle Institute. → The founder himself clearly explains the Drama Triangle and immediately introduces the solution-focused variant, the Compassion Triangle. A pure foundation for understanding the dynamics between Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim.
- Karpman, S. B. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39–43. → The original article in which the Drama Triangle was born. Indispensable for understanding the essence of drama behavior in communication.
- Levine, M. (2003). The Rescuers: Understanding and Managing the Rescuer Complex. New York, NY: Routledge. → Focuses specifically on the Rescuer role and explains how to recognize, break through, and transform this role into constructive behavior.
- Stewart, I., & Joines, V. (2012). TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis. Nottingham, UK: Lifespace Publishing. → Places the Drama Triangle within the broader TA framework and shows how to sharply analyze the dynamics in relationships and communication.
Citation for this article:
Jimmink, J. (2025). Winners Triangle. Retrieved [insert date] from Toolshero: https://www.toolshero.com/communication-methods/winners-triangle/
Original publication date: 12/15/2025 | Last update: 12/15/2025
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Job Jimmink
Job Jimmink is Content Manager at Toolshero. He focuses on writing articles and conducting research into management and strategy theories. He also studies at Rotterdam University of Applied Sciences (HES), where he further develops his project management and problem-solving skills. His specific interests lie in procurement management and strategy.
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